Finally

I finally got myself to realize, after all these years, what the hell does it matter if he doesn't see me as everything I am? All that matters is how a person sees themselves. And nothing else.

Taryn

Thumbs

I'm typing this out with my thumbs because everything feels better laying down and since I got an iPhone I just don't feel like worrying about a qwerty face in the morning. What the hell is a blog for anymore? They used to be real popular and it wasn't weird to post your everyday musings online for the world to see, but now who cares? I want to write a blog though cause I like putting myself out there in a way where if someone cares to look they're rewarded (punished?) by the possibly interesting days I have realized though that I cannot talk about what really makes my life interesting without compromising trust or embarrassing myself. Maybe I'll just find someone doses to take up my time on the internet.

I Don't Know

this...

I'm sitting here at my desk, I click the little fox at the bottom of my screen and my best friend's email service pops up. My friend's name is Google and most of my emails are junk and frivolous and dumb me let's the important ones slip through like financial aid...Goddamit. What else is there to do on the internet? I know Facebook, which I use nearly exclusively to wait for a status or a picture to pop up that I can make an intelligent comment about and try to reconnect with people who used to be close friends. I don't know when I see these people it's so awkward we act like we are cool, like really cool, even though we didn't exactly just drift apart.... It's great, but then we realize we have so little in common other than ask what happened to the other people we used to know and try to learn in a few minutes the entirety of each others' lives since we stopped talking to each other, which living in Danville isn't a difficult task.

It's weird how I see some people who were waaaaaaaaaay into MySpace (lol capital 'MySpace' is on my spell check) as the few that try to turn Facebook into another MySpace. These were the ones that used all the apps every day and did every single bulltein survey and forward, these are the ones who post all 150 pictures from their family vacation, the ones that use every app everyday and have a status update every two hours. Most people though, most people just kill hours upon hours taking care of that awkward maximum twenty minute long conversation from the comfort of their own homes. How easy it is then to keep up with dozens (hundreds) of people where if you met them on the street could know their lives up to the day.

Are these people really connected though? Sure for most friends there really isn't much else to talk about past that twenty minute conversation, which all information could be stalked from Facebook, but there's something different about actually seeing the person. Screw this....I can't think of anything else to say on Facebook.

The Universe (God?) I'm going to call it God, cause it's important to give things names. Anyway, God likes to shit all over your selfish parades. Once you start to get happy with the way things are, your environment, your self, your friend and family, something will get shit all over by God. Somethings going to screw it all up, people like to bitch and moan saying think about the other people you are going to hurt if you do this to yourself (the current song Naomi is making the screen rock back and forth) Think about how many people you can wake up before they fall with your screwed up actions! Don't be upset if you do disappoint cause in the end your sacrifices make others save themselves before it's too late.

Climate Change

Renee Schoof, of McClatchy Newspapers, wrote a Q&A article that was published in the Morning Report of the Bay Area News Group and I got really excited that the controversy is still being published. A few weeks back, found at the back of the Morning Report was a small two column article about how hackers had stolen and published emails of a prominent research center for climate change, University of East Anglia's Climatic Research Unit. Although mostly routine, several showed respected scientist questioning the legitimacy of their claims of human action being the cause of recent climate change. It also shows scientist attempting to discredit and ostracize journals and scientist challenging the popular view of human-responsible climate change.
I will admit now I am the mentioned skeptic of "global warming" and "climate change" being a hoax that this article mentions as these emails proving right. Let my arrogance linger for a bit, alright? I think that this is actually more a Voltaire situation though. I do not think that a bunch of scientist and world leaders got together and decided that it would be fun to convince everyone that we are destroying the world. I think that this was a situation in which the mob would not have acted favorably for themselves had they not been convinced their actions were going to spell the end of humanity and the Earth. In the 1970's OPEC, a bunch of oil-controlling Muslim countries, cut off the western world's supply of oil in protest of western powers aiding Israel. It sent the West into crisis. A plethora of legislature was put into law to ration off what little oil the West produced itself. In the USA: Nation wide speed limits, lottery for gas, alternating allowed days for driving. America was a mess. This did not mean that we were not looking for a solution. In the midst of the crisis scientist made great strides in alternative energies and fuel. They developed the hydrogen engine, hybrids, and revisited the diesel engine using natural oils (as originally intended to use hemp oil). All of these were for not because the embargo did not last long and when everyone could start filling up their archaic designed internal-combustion vehicles nobody cared anymore. People went on living their happy lives, driving their cars with little care that at anytime Muslim nations, who we are not all to friendly with, could send our entire society into crisis at a whim. This is about the time climate change started to come up.
In the years following scientist began publishing data of climate change, and claiming the industrialization of western nations, that run on the Muslim countries' oil, were causing dramatic changes in the Earths natural rhythms (never mind that Alaska used to be Savannah or Northern Africa a lush plains land). Ever since the minds of the mob have been filled with information and statistics (and Al Gore) claiming that the world as we know it is coming to an end and we are to blame. It was these claims that have finally made it "cool" and acceptable to not inconvenience yourself and spend precises tax dollars on trying to fix something that isn't broken (we are happy using fossil-fuels, they're cheap and simple), with "global warming" people are not riding their bikes to remove our dependence on the Middle East but to save the Earth. All of this bull-shit about global warming and climate change being caused by the hand-of-man has not all been for nothing, it has pushed the majority to want alternative fuels and fuel efficient cars. Sure there was a bunch of articles and media on our dependence and how we need to break it, as well as the depletion of our fossil fuels in the world, but nobody listened. The mob all just figured it would work itself out. We may not feel it, but our children will definitely notice when the West is again a major player in the world rather than the bitch to the Middle East. China on the other hand...well until we can figure out how to make a $2000 dollar computer for $10 we can't even compete.

.....

Taryn

Keep everything within the moment. Never carry the moment with you, never let it touch any more of your life than that moment.
Look at the moment and smile, or think of it and sob, but do not extend it to your world.
Unless it will be a part of you forever, do not let any single feeling absorb you. Let it wash over you, and let yourself feel it, but don't carry it on to the next moment.
If you can, forget the moment, but never the lesson.

Me and the Mood (Not the Hot Kind)

I want someone to tell me a story, one about a boy with a secret, a problem, depression. Really I want to write it, really I just don't feel good enough, but really I want to immerse myself in my subconscious because I'm a self centered writer, but what's worse is I'm not even very good, but who am I to pass a judgment on anyone, even myself. (As Bryce felt about his punctuation in his last post, I also identify that as a statement, not a question.) Really I love myself, just too much, and I just don't know how to excel, except, well I want to say it, so here it is, I like myself more than a lot of people, and sure I get angry with myself when my stories suck, or I can't think of a witty comeback, but shit am I glad to have a bit of a fuckin ego.

Wow

For awhile I was keeping up pretty good with posting pretty often. Work however has taken up my life.

I once wrote a story where the main character smoked simply so that he could go outside and have some time to himself without anyone questioning him.

I bet you that was cause of his job. In fact I can tell you it was.

I wrote that story my sophomore year.

This post seems particularly self-centered.

Well I don't think anyone reads this anyway, so to the hell with it...I'll make it therapy.

Which by the way is going great. Jen really is very honest with me - so I hope - and makes me feel a lot less down on myself.

I wonder how many other people's crazy blogs get looked at. (Yes that is a statement not a question and does not need a '?', alright?)

Look I'm not attending school right now, so if you find me interesting in the least, shoot me a message or a comment. (God how desperate am I?)

WHEEEEEEEEE!!!