Feeling Fine

Finally

2010-06-16T18:48:00.000-07:00

I finally got myself to realize, after all these years, what the hell does it matter if he doesn't see me as everything I am? All that matters is how a person sees themselves. And nothing else.

Taryn

Thumbs

2010-04-15T00:34:00.000-07:00

I'm typing this out with my thumbs because everything feels better laying down and since I got an iPhone I just don't feel like worrying about a qwerty face in the morning. What the hell is a blog for anymore? They used to be real popular and it wasn't weird to post your everyday musings online for the world to see, but now who cares? I want to write a blog though cause I like putting myself out there in a way where if someone cares to look they're rewarded (punished?) by the possibly interesting days I have realized though that I cannot talk about what really makes my life interesting without compromising trust or embarrassing myself. Maybe I'll just find someone doses to take up my time on the internet.

I Don't Know

2010-04-10T01:03:00.000-07:00

this...

I'm sitting here at my desk, I click the little fox at the bottom of my screen and my best friend's email service pops up. My friend's name is Google and most of my emails are junk and frivolous and dumb me let's the important ones slip through like financial aid...Goddamit. What else is there to do on the internet? I know Facebook, which I use nearly exclusively to wait for a status or a picture to pop up that I can make an intelligent comment about and try to reconnect with people who used to be close friends. I don't know when I see these people it's so awkward we act like we are cool, like really cool, even though we didn't exactly just drift apart.... It's great, but then we realize we have so little in common other than ask what happened to the other people we used to know and try to learn in a few minutes the entirety of each others' lives since we stopped talking to each other, which living in Danville isn't a difficult task.

It's weird how I see some people who were waaaaaaaaaay into MySpace (lol capital 'MySpace' is on my spell check) as the few that try to turn Facebook into another MySpace. These were the ones that used all the apps every day and did every single bulltein survey and forward, these are the ones who post all 150 pictures from their family vacation, the ones that use every app everyday and have a status update every two hours. Most people though, most people just kill hours upon hours taking care of that awkward maximum twenty minute long conversation from the comfort of their own homes. How easy it is then to keep up with dozens (hundreds) of people where if you met them on the street could know their lives up to the day.

Are these people really connected though? Sure for most friends there really isn't much else to talk about past that twenty minute conversation, which all information could be stalked from Facebook, but there's something different about actually seeing the person. Screw this....I can't think of anything else to say on Facebook.

The Universe (God?) I'm going to call it God, cause it's important to give things names. Anyway, God likes to shit all over your selfish parades. Once you start to get happy with the way things are, your environment, your self, your friend and family, something will get shit all over by God. Somethings going to screw it all up, people like to bitch and moan saying think about the other people you are going to hurt if you do this to yourself (the current song Naomi is making the screen rock back and forth) Think about how many people you can wake up before they fall with your screwed up actions! Don't be upset if you do disappoint cause in the end your sacrifices make others save themselves before it's too late.

Climate Change

2009-12-11T11:17:00.001-08:00

Renee Schoof, of McClatchy Newspapers, wrote a Q&A article that was published in the Morning Report of the Bay Area News Group and I got really excited that the controversy is still being published. A few weeks back, found at the back of the Morning Report was a small two column article about how hackers had stolen and published emails of a prominent research center for climate change, University of East Anglia's Climatic Research Unit. Although mostly routine, several showed respected scientist questioning the legitimacy of their claims of human action being the cause of recent climate change. It also shows scientist attempting to discredit and ostracize journals and scientist challenging the popular view of human-responsible climate change.
I will admit now I am the mentioned skeptic of "global warming" and "climate change" being a hoax that this article mentions as these emails proving right. Let my arrogance linger for a bit, alright? I think that this is actually more a Voltaire situation though. I do not think that a bunch of scientist and world leaders got together and decided that it would be fun to convince everyone that we are destroying the world. I think that this was a situation in which the mob would not have acted favorably for themselves had they not been convinced their actions were going to spell the end of humanity and the Earth. In the 1970's OPEC, a bunch of oil-controlling Muslim countries, cut off the western world's supply of oil in protest of western powers aiding Israel. It sent the West into crisis. A plethora of legislature was put into law to ration off what little oil the West produced itself. In the USA: Nation wide speed limits, lottery for gas, alternating allowed days for driving. America was a mess. This did not mean that we were not looking for a solution. In the midst of the crisis scientist made great strides in alternative energies and fuel. They developed the hydrogen engine, hybrids, and revisited the diesel engine using natural oils (as originally intended to use hemp oil). All of these were for not because the embargo did not last long and when everyone could start filling up their archaic designed internal-combustion vehicles nobody cared anymore. People went on living their happy lives, driving their cars with little care that at anytime Muslim nations, who we are not all to friendly with, could send our entire society into crisis at a whim. This is about the time climate change started to come up.
In the years following scientist began publishing data of climate change, and claiming the industrialization of western nations, that run on the Muslim countries' oil, were causing dramatic changes in the Earths natural rhythms (never mind that Alaska used to be Savannah or Northern Africa a lush plains land). Ever since the minds of the mob have been filled with information and statistics (and Al Gore) claiming that the world as we know it is coming to an end and we are to blame. It was these claims that have finally made it "cool" and acceptable to not inconvenience yourself and spend precises tax dollars on trying to fix something that isn't broken (we are happy using fossil-fuels, they're cheap and simple), with "global warming" people are not riding their bikes to remove our dependence on the Middle East but to save the Earth. All of this bull-shit about global warming and climate change being caused by the hand-of-man has not all been for nothing, it has pushed the majority to want alternative fuels and fuel efficient cars. Sure there was a bunch of articles and media on our dependence and how we need to break it, as well as the depletion of our fossil fuels in the world, but nobody listened. The mob all just figured it would work itself out. We may not feel it, but our children will definitely notice when the West is again a major player in the world rather than the bitch to the Middle East. China on the other hand...well until we can figure out how to make a $2000 dollar computer for $10 we can't even compete.

.....

2009-12-10T23:05:00.000-08:00

Taryn

Keep everything within the moment. Never carry the moment with you, never let it touch any more of your life than that moment.
Look at the moment and smile, or think of it and sob, but do not extend it to your world.
Unless it will be a part of you forever, do not let any single feeling absorb you. Let it wash over you, and let yourself feel it, but don't carry it on to the next moment.
If you can, forget the moment, but never the lesson.

Me and the Mood (Not the Hot Kind)

2009-11-19T22:26:00.000-08:00

I want someone to tell me a story, one about a boy with a secret, a problem, depression. Really I want to write it, really I just don't feel good enough, but really I want to immerse myself in my subconscious because I'm a self centered writer, but what's worse is I'm not even very good, but who am I to pass a judgment on anyone, even myself. (As Bryce felt about his punctuation in his last post, I also identify that as a statement, not a question.) Really I love myself, just too much, and I just don't know how to excel, except, well I want to say it, so here it is, I like myself more than a lot of people, and sure I get angry with myself when my stories suck, or I can't think of a witty comeback, but shit am I glad to have a bit of a fuckin ego.

Wow

2009-11-19T02:22:00.000-08:00

For awhile I was keeping up pretty good with posting pretty often. Work however has taken up my life.

I once wrote a story where the main character smoked simply so that he could go outside and have some time to himself without anyone questioning him.

I bet you that was cause of his job. In fact I can tell you it was.

I wrote that story my sophomore year.

This post seems particularly self-centered.

Well I don't think anyone reads this anyway, so to the hell with it...I'll make it therapy.

Which by the way is going great. Jen really is very honest with me - so I hope - and makes me feel a lot less down on myself.

I wonder how many other people's crazy blogs get looked at. (Yes that is a statement not a question and does not need a '?', alright?)

Look I'm not attending school right now, so if you find me interesting in the least, shoot me a message or a comment. (God how desperate am I?)

WHEEEEEEEEE!!!

When

2009-09-01T23:34:00.000-07:00

When do things end? When can we ever put things behind us? When is it that we can move on or look back with out cringing? Does anyone really look back on their life and feel proud? We are just pulled towards being regretful, we could have done things differently, we should have made a different choice....but fuck it all what else is there to do? What's done is done. What's here and now, I guess that's what matters...but in the end that even seems kinda useless huh?

(I can never eat McDonalds or sugar binge again...I crashed on my way to class and I've been depressed ever since)

Patio

2009-08-30T21:06:00.001-07:00

I just sat there on the patio. That tiny 4x8 patio, looking over the
hotel pool. I wish I could say I thought of something profound or
enlightening wasting my time there. Instead I spent my time thinking
about everything and nothing. The dark sky, devoid of stars by the
lights from below. The warm night air that did little to dry the sweat
that had formed on my arms and legs. I wished it wasn't the end of
summer, looking towards the pool, longing for a ho teenage girl to have
packed her old bikini that was a size too small. I wished for the music
in the distance to sound more like music and less like distorted
station. I wished for an epiphany. I wished for answers.

Where exactly was I in my life? Well I was sitting on the porch of a San
Diego hotel, in a part of San Diego that I am convinced is another world
entirely, bitching to myself about how much my stomach hurt. I come from
a little rural town, that's actually a small suburban city that had it's
name legally changed to a town to keep the riff-raff out. I had done
more in my seventeen years than most had done in thirty, maybe forty,
but I felt like I had done absolutely nothing. Maybe it was because I
hadn't changed the world or anyone's life, or made an impact of any kind
on anybody. I get anxious if I sit and do nothing all day, how should I
feel when haven't done a thing in seventeen years?

I had all these plans too. These goals that I wanted to accomplish for
myself. What happened to those? I accomplished some. Failed at others.
No matter what though I just never really felt like a made any kind of
difference. I couldn't even throw myself off this patio to the ground
seven stories down because that would make shit of a difference too. God
I want to screw every hot girl I come across. Is that wrong? I know it
won't make me feel any better. I won't be more accomplished. I won't
feel emotionally connected to anyone. Hell I probably won't even have
that much fun. I still want to do it though, I guess for no other reason
than it's something to do and it's something impressive. I mean in the
god awful town-city I come from everyone's looking to be impressive, but
that just makes everyone look lame. I mean everyone hooks-up with
everyone, every-one does drugs, hell everyone goes to college. Why is it
that I want to do any of those things? I always felt like I didn't want
to fit in, I'd rather be above all that, but how do you get there? Don't
you have to fit in so you can claw your way to the top? You can't just
close your eyes and be there. You have to do everything everyone else
does to make them respect you and when you earn their respect as a peer
you have to earn their respect as a leader by being the best at that and
everything else you do. And you have to do EVERYTHING.

Maybe that's stupid. Maybe not. Everyone likes to tell me that this is a
point in my life when I'm trying to establish my identity and I'll be
confused by everything. How many of them can say they've figured it out
though? Haven't any of them ever heard of a mid-life crisis? The very
fact is that we are never sure of who we are or who we want to be, it
just sorta happens. Does that mean we should stress over it? Maybe that
stress helps shape who we are or maybe it just makes it impossible for
us to truly find ourselves. If we were to do away with all the role
models, all the celebrities, and cool people in this world, what would
we be left with? Would we all be confused and paralyzed? Maybe if we
stopped striving to be something, an icon someone we look up to, a
picture of the perfect us, we could discover ourselves and we can begin
to strive for who we are and what we stand for.

Maybe sitting on that patio, seven stories up, overlooking that damn
pool with no hot teenage girls, maybe I did have that epiphany. Or maybe
I just came up with a whole lot of bull shit.

Stupid

2009-08-30T00:59:00.001-07:00

Alright so every perception I have had of college is "stupid." Whether I
think it's a good idea to attend a JC for a few years then transfer to a
four year, so that I have better grades, save money and stay close to
home, or go straight to a four year so that I can get the full college
experience, co-ed dorms, greek life, ect. Both of these point of view
are stupid... I haven't been told this by just some random people I ask
about college I've been told this by people that I respect, people I
sort of look up to.

This leaves me in a very awkward position, I mean I have flip-flopped
between a JC and a four-year at least four times now. Both ideas seem
rather 'stupid' when told from each perspective. I mean hell a four-year
is great...if I know what I want to do. Going to a JC is great, if I
need more time to find myself or can't afford a university. Dear God,
maybe college is just stupid in general...or rather the idea of college.
Why should we have to compete for our education? Why do we have to
choose what are degree is? Shit you know what I was even told by another
that as long as you have a degree that's all you need, that gets your
ass in the door then you can just wow everyone with your amazing work
ethic and attitude. Dammit...I can't possibly pursue everyone of these
choices, but can I honestly just choose one?

This is Weird

2009-08-29T23:10:00.000-07:00

I'm at this really weird point. I'm very self-reflective and feeling
rather negative and self loathing, yet...I do not feel depressed or lost
with the world. The world is a sad and terrible place, even the most
wonderful places are still horrible in their very own ways. We, as
humans seek out problems, we crave issues, so that we can strive for
solutions. This world that we live in could, and would, be a better
place only if we allowed ourselves to be bored. If we were to allow
ourselves to simply accept what we have and where we are the world would
be a better place. We are living aren't we? Shouldn't that be enough? I
guess that would be socialism. It could never work, if everyone were
happy there would be nothing for us, as people or as a species, to
strive for.

Now I find myself at this depth of conscience. I know that this world is
a horrible and terrible place, yet I'm mature enough to see that it's
not. This world is a place filled with love and compassion among all of
us that exist as that for which we strive for from our pain and hate. We
live our lives forever searching for that love, for that companionship,
that will satisfy us forever. For some a soul-mate, for others God. It
doesn't matter what or who will provide it to you, only that you want it
and you cannot die happy until you have it. The simple fact is that we
can't, because once we have it we will grow bored and again we will
strive for the problems and issues that will tear that person or God
from us sop that we can once again strive for that same love and
compassion we already had.

This is probably all old news to anyone who takes the time to read this,
but I feel compelled to share my tiny epiphany with those that do. I
think I will make a post everyday, or Taryn or Rufl3, to this blog just
to give you that read this something to ponder and consider, or maybe
just laugh at. Change, life's paradox.

I think

2009-08-10T10:07:00.000-07:00

I think I'm done...
I've changed, the feeling's changed.
I'm just done...

I've matured
I feel stupid for what I've done
So I'm finished and moving on

Time to find a new hobby

Meaningless moments

2009-07-22T23:03:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt so bored that your existence and conviction seems to crumble around you. A boredom so strong it makes you tired. Where do these meaningless moments come from a lack self discipline? an inability to keep ones self entertained? A weak sense of purpose? An ordinary moment we all go through? A lack of sleep? Or a lack of a life?

thoughts?

Intolerable

2009-06-07T22:14:00.000-07:00

What an intolerable segment from such a popular show....

Breaking Chains

2009-05-16T22:00:00.000-07:00

Breaking Chains
For most of my intelligent life I've lived in Danville a city with one of the most Lamborghini's per capita in the country. A city where country clubs, wine-bars, burning hundred dollar bills and going Galas, are the most excitement people can hope for.

Its a perfect example of how much we waste in our society when where I work (!@#$$) people can blow off 4 Benjamin's on 3 things that have no real purpose except to fit in that empty the empty corner of their 1,000 SQF kitchen. While they haggle me for a discount when they obviously don't need the money. I jokingly say if it was up to me you could have it for free but as long as people are willing to pay that is the price. A short while I help pump their 300 dollars back into the system, the prices don't change.

While the real world rots most of us ignore issues affecting people in ways most of can’t imagine: global recession, war, epidemics, starvation, genocide, infant mortality, child depression on the rise, foreclosures, propaganda and crushed dreams. People like writers, teachers, professionals, refugees, we can’t forget those poor AIG executives, and people who have families, mortgages, dreams and real struggles. The differences between them and Danville... These are different struggles of Need, Danville is just one of the many extremes that want has manifested itself in.

While I hypocritically sellout my ideals to the Danville life everyday for X dollars an hour. Getting paid to convince Epicurean Danvillians that they should buy the vintage matching set of hand blown glass bowls and how for 350 dollars it’s a great deal compared to other stores. When I have personally seen our profit margins and how we get just about everything for pennies. All this ambitious talk about changing the world; yet everyday I'm feeding the greedy Danvillian’s wants.

The reality of it is that these wants are rooted in the different distributions of wealth. In business one way or another you’re taking money away from someone else to get ahead. And at the same time someone else is doing exactly the same to you and you might not know it. Do other people’s actions justify yours? If they're doing it to you why not let the chain continue...

But that is exactly the sick justification that stops new ideas from happening. Wants take away from what needs to be done. But in order to realize we need to stop and think for a second if the intellectually demanding decision of whether to buy that 200 dollar corner table is really going to help us accomplish something instead of making us happy for five minutes. We need to stop this chain of self-interest and as a whole come together and redefine what needs and wants have become. Forcing us to take accountability for the what for what our world needs instead of continuing the self-indulgent Danvillians wants.

We Don't Want Free Thinkers

2009-05-11T12:25:00.000-07:00

There was a boy from Poland who spent all his time in math day dreaming. When he consequently failed, his teachers did not have high hopes for him. A person cannot succeed in the world without a solid foundation in math. He eventually grew up to work in a patent office where he continued his creative day dreams. Albert Einstein came up with the theory of relativity when he “imagined himself running alongside a light wave”(Glausiusz 89). Then and now, the educational system ignores creativity, instead focusing on technical knowledge and teaching students to follow orders.

The California High School Exit Examination is aimed at pointing out students who do not meet the standards put forth by the No Child Left Behind Act. The exam test students on English language arts and mathematics. The expectations from students is to be able to make a superficial analysis of an essay and understand newspaper advertisements. Teachers base their curriculum off this exam, as well as the standardized testing exams. There is no need to teach in depth thought or analysis, and it's a special treat if students are ever are introduced to creative writing.

I remember in my Sophomore English class we were discussing a book, Lord of the Flies a story rich with metaphors and satire. My teacher asked us to analyze a passage, and let us work on it for about fifteen minutes. I racked my brain to figure out what she wanted us to find, I mean there was the obvious surface message hidden among the chaos of young boys killing each other, but we were given fifteen minutes to find something. By the end of it I had something greatly in depth and profound to point out. My teacher did not call on me though, but the person she did call on mentioned the surface analysis. I left my hand non-excitedly raised, a bit arrogant that I saw the more in depth message that I knew my teacher wanted me to find. What surprised me is that my teacher not only accepted the answer, without a “You're getting there.” but moved on in the lesson without even addressing the deeper message within. I asked my teacher after class about what I had saw in the passage, she responded with, “Yeah that's great that you saw that, but I don't think the other students would have understood that if we had tried to discuss it.” My class was dumbed down to the point of not being able to understand the deeper messages behind a great novel. Wonderful.

The students are not to blame though, it's the curriculum. Students are not expected to think for themselves creatively, because the schools do not teach them to. Creativity, in my opinion, can best be described as forming unique ideas, thinking for one's self. Experienced expert on creativity, Robert Weisberg states “Creativity requires a good deal of preparation” (qtd. Psychology 322), but it is ignored by the lawmakers that decide the educational curriculum. The educational system does not prepare students for thinking creatively, giving them no knowledge base to form their own creative ideas. Ruth E. Green, the President of the California State Board of Education acknowledges its importance, “The arts are a dynamic presence in our daily lives, enabling us to express our creativity while challenging our intellect. . .Achievement in the arts cultivates essential skills, such as problem solving, creative thinking, effective planning, time management, teamwork, effective communication, and an understanding of technology” (qtd. in Visual and Performing Arts Content Standards for California Public Schools 6). Despite the President of the Department of Education acknowledging the importance of the arts in school, students are still only required to one course of the visual and performing arts to graduate from high school. Now with the economy in shambles, the arts are the first departments to go. Equal cuts in all departments would be less unfair and ignorant.

The importance of developing creativity is obvious. The people who succeed in life are the ones who can find a creative solution to a problem. This is not ignored by the upper echelon as it is hard to live in corporate America without hearing the cliché, “Think outside the box.” There is one common argument against taking time away from the all-important math and sciences to teach children to write moving stories, paint masterpieces, or express themselves in their movements that is: education should prepare students for being competitive in future job markets. Creativity is exactly what makes people competitive job seekers. The educational system now teaches children to follow orders from their superiors. The system makes it so that only the people that are strong enough to learn on their own, to think for themselves, are the ones who succeed. This places them at the top and the rest to follow orders; just like they were taught. If creativity was taught in schools it would mean more people would think for themselves. It is a wonder what an influx in free-thinkers would do to the system. Arguably it could create Anarchy. The system emphasizes the individual. This is so that if an individual fails in life, it is the fault of the individual, not of the system. Why does it not emphasize individual thought and creativity? The things that would allow the individual to succeed?

It's sad when people learn to hate art because they are not good at drawing or music. Just because they cannot draw a picture the way they want, they think that art is stupid. When these same people grow up and become middle class suburban parents, they claim they succeeded in life without the arts and their children will too. Their lack of education in the arts, without the shackles of a right and wrong mentality, puts them at a disadvantage. Although they may have excelled at math and science, it is a solemn consequence of a broken system that they were never able to fully appreciate the arts. What is worse is the poor children, and maybe even their parents, that did poorly in math and science and were considered dumb and ridiculed. These people earned poor grades in technical classes, as they day dreamed about a great story they could write or stared out a window at something beautiful they could paint. The children are medicated, and when they suddenly get good grades in math and forget about their creative dreams, they are graciously rewarded. What is ignored so often, is that in the arts there is no right or wrong, only what someone wishes to express, and it is up to them to decided whether or not they expressed it acceptably.

At the risk of destroying the establishment, and making many left-brained people feel inadequate, education should be teaching children to think for themselves and begin emphasize creativity. Teachers should be guiding students to interpret things for themselves, look deeper, to understand writers and artist, understand what they and their art represents. The system should stop being worried about taking away from technical skills, they are important, but without creative thought we would have never advanced past knowing that when we touch fire it hurts.

Work Cited

Glausiusz, Josie. “Devoted to Distraction.” Psychology Today. Apr. 2009: 89

O'Malley, Ed. Visual and Performing Arts Content Standards for California Public Schools. California Department of Education: California Department of Education, 2001.

Hockenbury, Don H., and Sandra E. Hockenbury. Psychology, New York: Worth Publishers, 2006. 4^th edition.

The Homeless Utopian Society

2009-04-25T22:29:00.001-07:00

The Homeless Utopian Society V. 2.0!
“Freedom is something people take, and people are as free as they want to be. “(James Baldwin) In Lars Eighner’s essay “On Dumpster Diving,” Eighner paints us a picture of what freedom truly is through his life as a hobo. Freedom from the social boundaries imposed by society on waste: taking an economical point of view on life counter, to a consumerist views while retaining the rights of the common citizen and how they’re protected by the unspoken rules in this homeless society. These unspoken rules also work towards the well being of the collective sharing goods with fellow scavengers in need. The lifestyle presented to us by Eighner is reminiscent of an Anarchical Utopian society in the aspect of order within the chaos of homelessness: the economical approach towards resources, the unspoken rules protecting people’s rights, and the sharing of goods with the collective of homeless people. To a certain extent Eighner’s essay is a slap in the face to the consumerist lifestyle of America that embraces the inner good of mankind through an anarchical utopia.
In order to fully understand the parallels between Anarchism and Eighner’s homeless world you must understand a little about what an Anarchical Utopia is. Anarchism as defined by the father of Anarchism, Pierre-Joseph Proudhon is “Where order arises when everybody does what he wishes, only what he wishes, and where business transactions alone produce the social order." (Proudhonpg.45). Anarchism is an ideology synonymous with libertarianism centered on retaining only a limited government presence. Instead of laws telling you what to do Anarchism allows people to get involved in society as much as they like. Anarchism is so extreme even that even taxes are optional as in many public organizations such as the church, trade unions, and all voluntary organizations. (Labadie) Lastly anarchism is fundamentally centered toward community where people live in harmony working for the good of one another.
Eighner’s essay begins with an introduction about his life and how he began as a highly educated professional writer before his homelessness kicks in and he hits rock bottom. Similar to one of the underlying theme of promoting anarchy in Chuck Palahniuk Novel Fight Club expressed in the following quote “Its only until we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.“ (Fight club ‘Tyler Durden’) This is where Anarchism started becoming apparent to Eighner once he became homeless he soon started discovering the anarchical ways of this underground society.
Beginning with Eighner’s realization that Americans don’t realize how much they waste “People do throw away perfectly good stuff, a lot of perfectly good stuff. ” (Eighner Pg.384) Anarchism promotes equality through all people and although anarchism does not dictate equality of outcome, for doing so would be tyrannical; but does compel Anti-consumerist ideals.(Chomsky, Pg. 782) Anarchism promotes utilization of resources to their fullest in order to promote equality of outcome. To work towards that higher level of freedom of the right to live and exercise the natural rights given to us. These natural rights which anarchism protects can be taken away for example Eighner getting laid off and then the government seizing Eighner’s assets through bankruptcy making him homeless. (Eighner pg 379)
Anarchism main goal is to advocate these natural rights, through this utopia without rules going off of the unspoken rules based off of the fundamental good of people. These rights in so called American democratic society are denied instead having an elitist society where the lower classes are frowned upon and intellectuals are idolized. These unspoken rules based on self interest and the good of society are the glue holding anarchical society together. Eighner also speaks of these unspoken rules about scavenging and how ”It is common practice to set aside surplus items…what he cannot use he leaves in good condition in plain sight”(Eighner Pg. 385). The hobo’s in this anarchical world are living in anarchism and they don’t even know it. With rules that are silently looking out for each other. Also illustrating personal ethics toward retaining rights of common citizens such as right to privacy” My strongest reservation about going through individual cans is that this seems to me a very personal kind of invasion to which I would object if I were a householder…I think it would be unethical to do so”(Eighner Pg. 386). Stealing is also addressed in Eighner’s Homeless world “I never placed a bogus order to increase the supply of pizzas and I believe no one else was scavenging in this dumpster” (Eighner Pg. 382). Illustrating the ideals of anarchism since everything is free there is no need to steal.
Anarchism is based on the internal good of people but, Eighner does mention the ‘bad’ members of society specifically can scroungers, “Can scroungers, then, are people who must have small amounts of cash. These are drug addicts and winos, mostly the latter because the amounts of cash are so small” (Eighner Pg. 385). Eighner just steers clear of these can scroungers also identical to the anarchical system. He just doesn’t affiliate with them and in general avoids them, where the anarchical system exiles those who oppress others or go against the values of anarchism. (Labadie). These exiles are shunned and not included in everyday society. The anarchical system is all about harmony with underlying order amid the supposed chaos. Another point is that you never hear about you never hear about homeless people fighting over dumpsters like gangs fight over turf. The homeless society gets along even though there’s no real agent of enforcement, except for the police but they usually come out to play when the unspoken rules are broken, such as someone going through someone trash can.
Lastly Eighner shows us the unification that necessary for an anarchical society to work. The collective sharing that goes on between the homeless. The homeless make goods accessible for each other and sharing what they do not need and are willing to sacrifice for the good of others. Sharing foods as such mentioned quotes for the unspoken rules of scavenging. This is the fundamental self interested help for the collective is what fuels the anarchical system.Labadie). Eighner mentions helping his fellow divers by sharing food and supplies. Eighner acknowledges that “most divers come to realize that they must restrict themselves to items of relatively immediate utility”(Eighner Pg.384). But all this working towards the commune is all optional just, like the anarchical society in the fact that all is voluntary even taxes, similar to how it is with workers unions and churches in America.
Eighner talks about how people should try out being homeless and less wasteful. what he’s trying to express about being homeless. Eighner mentions the many difficulties of being homeless such as possibly death from boutlinism (Eighner Pg. 381). Eighner even mentions that if he were to return to society he would still retain many values from living as a homeless, not wasting, protecting freedoms and working towards the greater good of people. Playing off of the release from oppression the quote "the great are great only because we are on our knees, Let us rise" (anonymous quoteworld.com) tells us that we build of our negative experiences to become great. Everything worth having is worth fighting for so it is not expected for such a change to come easily but Eighner is taking a step towards that in writing his essay. Eighner ironically ends with “I feel sorry for you…”(Eighner Pg. 388) affectionately calling us the rate race millions looking for what we do not know. Eighner’s lifestyle may seem chaotic and unsafe but it has an underlying sense of order, a purpose, and a hope for a different kind of lifestyle.

Selfishness

2009-03-30T19:48:00.000-07:00

Yes everything we do is selfish. Charity still gives us that warm and fuzzy feeling, there isn't anything we would do for someone that didn't benefit us is some way in the end.
But I still feel I have the ability to control my selfishness to some extent.
When I tell a person how much I care for them, I will tell them because that's how I feel and not because I want to hear them tell me they care for me too.
Seems scary to have no response, but it's honest and thoughtful. It's a matter of figuring out who deserves to be cared about.
Just taking each step away from the bad kind of craziness :)

Wow, Very Insightful

2009-03-29T13:26:00.000-07:00

I decided to start buying the SF Chronicle to help the paper deal with the declining economy. (I encourage everyone to start buying newspapers to ensure the survival of the printed word.) I generally like their style of reporting, but am definitely finding issues with their editorial staff. I won't list all my little qualms with the opinions that they publish, however I will protest a politically cartoon that they published today,

(Used without Permission from the San Francisco Chronicle)

Great cartoon, a stereo typical stoner wearing a weed leaf shirt smoking a pipe of Mexico....Meyer implies that the stoner culture is fueling the drug war in Mexico. Yes, unfortunately the drug demand in the United States is fueling the Mexico drug wars, however the demand for Marijuana has nothing to do with it.

California has a Marijuana economy well into the billions of dollars, billions of dollars of Marijuana being home grown in California. California is known for some of the best Marijuana in the world, competing with Canada and Denmark. (Check out High Times magazine)

The reason Mexico's drug trade is so prevalent is because it is the main avenue for drugs from South America, these are not Marijuana though, these drugs are cocaine, heroin, and drugs from all over the world that are not available domestically.

It just would not make sense to buy Marijuana imported from Mexico. If it is imported it has to go through more people to make it to the customer, that means high prices, and because of the change of hands and the time it takes to get to the consumer, lower quality.

This is a good example though on how newspapers and other media can sway public opinion. By blaming modern ills on something that has very little relation to the problems at hand. Just remember when you read, watch, or glance at the news to truly think. Do not think, "hmmmm damn stoners saying something needs to be done about the drug wars in Mexico as they create a market for those drugs. We need to stop people from smoking weed to stop the violence in Mexico."

The violence in Mexico is because of high prices created by the prohibition of drugs (not always avoidable), poverty in Mexico, and a corrupt and ignorant people controlling the border.

Stoners Stop It

2009-03-27T13:29:00.000-07:00

In Obama's "Open for Questions" town hall, Obama answered several questions posed to him in the form of YouTube videos. Something that slightly disturbed me was, "The questions that drew the most votes online had to do with the budgetary and economic impact of legalizing marijuana." With Obama's response, "I don't think that is a good strategy to grow the economy." (Fletcher and Vargas, Washington Post)

Stoners, pot-heads, reefers, users, medical recipitants, and concerned citizens, please stop pushing Obama for the legalization of marijuana. It is a very important issues, yes, one that would most likely help stimulate the economy and give a boost to domestic manufactures (That refers to hemp, not bud growers). It is not however something that he is concerned about, President Obama has many more pressing issues to address. His stimulus package is still coming under-fire over it's overall effectiveness, he has the wars in both Iraq and Afghanistan to deal with, and he is still cleaning up the mess the Bush Administration left for him. Including giving federal funding to stem-cell research, which has much more promising chances of helping to prevent cancer and Alzheimer's than THC (although being administered THC is a lot more fun than killing unborn babies, or at least I hope so).

California is famous for many of liberal policies, decriminalization/medical marijuana, tolerance of minorities, bio-firms, etc. This is unfortunately because of California spearheaded these things in the first place. From racial drug laws to developing the DEA to Eugenics, California has been the leader in some of the nations greatest ethical blunders. We cannot just expect the rest of the nation to learn from our mistakes and suddenly change everything in a flash, and we cannot expect Obama to do that for us.

Give it some time, let Obama's stimulus package save the economy and boost his approval ratings. Then he can push with radical ideas like legalizing marijuana, and ending the Patriot Acts.....Just be patient.

FeedBack

2009-03-18T21:27:00.000-07:00

Please, if you are reading this, comment on some posts. I am always looking for feedback, especially if you have any problems with anything that I post. How else are people's opinions and views expected to evolve unless they are presented with different views from different experiences.
I like to think of this site as a philosophical one, and philosophy is a social discipline. Philosophy is communal, despite what some monks may consider. Other experiences, other up-bringings, and everything else that makes people unique, these are what allows the development and evolution of thought.
When I was younger I decided it would be best to learn as many opinions as possible, and then choose the ones that I most agreed with, and always be open-minded even to things I had dismissed before. This way, I decided, is how I would reach what is "right".
Please post comments, give feedback, follow my blog. If enough people are interested I may start a forum so that you can argue among yourselves.

The Smile

2009-03-18T14:45:00.000-07:00

So this story got me a call from my counselor about wanting to talk to me....

I felt the water pour down my back. The warm water is soothing, it calms me, but I still felt the tension of my life weighing me down. The darkness surrounding me was calm and cool. The early morning light, still blue, barely made it through the steam covered window. I kept the light off, I didn't want to see myself.

The cut wasn't deep, not that deep anyway, the blood was barely noticeable in the dim light. I looked at the blood and it almost reminded me of ketchup, but before the thought had even entered my mind, the water washed the blood down the drain. I used the same razor that made made legs smooth, soft, and attractive. The same razor was now cutting open the same delicate skin.

I held the razor in my hand and pushed it down on a fresh patch of skin. It crawled slowly across opening a wound, and with each drop of blood that was released I felt myself relax. With every droplet of blood came out with it all the horrible things in my life. With every last drop I felt myself slip further and further into ecstasy. A wave of relief swept over me as my worries were washed down the drain.

I feel the pain of the cuts, it's not like eating candy. This pain is different from most pain, this is pain I am in control of. I am the only one that causes this pain, and I am the only one that can make it stop. This pain, this pain is mine, and mine alone. With each cut my teachers, in their infinite knowledge, seem more manageable. I thought about Mr. Jackson, my math teacher, "Well class let's go back to second grade math shall we? For Catherine's sake."

All I had wanted was an explanation, Bobby had been the one that asked me. Since I hadn't known the answer, I asked Mr. Jackson. I made a fresh cut and watched as the embarrassment was washed away down the drain.

I thought about Lydia, and how she was supposed to be my best friend. At least I had thought she was. Lydia had been my friend since fourth grade, six years we had shared with each other our insecurities, our secrets. Lately though, I've been studying too hard to spend any time with Lydia. It's alright by her though, Lydia found new friends; popular friends. I knew them, and I had liked them until they started making fun of me. In fact I had even thought they would be a good influence on Lydia, maybe she'd actually start having a life. I had known I have really round butt, they didn't have to remind me. What hurt the most though was that Lydia was the one that had started the jokes, and it's only gotten worse since then.

I shook the thought from her head, my wet hair slapped my back. I looked down and realized that I had cut as far as I could go. If I cut any further it would be noticed by someone, and I sure as hell wasn't going back to that damn psychiatrist. I checked my other leg, it wasn't quite healed enough from yesterday. I stood there and leaned my back against the shower wall, the tile was cold and against my back. I stared down at my arm and started to think. I would have to wear my sweatshirt all day, it's not supposed to be hot though so I should be fine. I chose a place around my wrist and exhaled a sigh of relief as I watched Lydia's betrayal be washed down the drain.

I stood there for a moment, and thought about my blood. My blood which was taken, by the water, down the drain, to be treated and reused to help someone else wash away the problems of their life. I turned off the shower, and pressed my arm against the shower wall, my head resting in the cradle of my elbow looking towards my feet. I stepped out of the shower. The was tile cool and moist beneath my feet. She switched on the light, her reflection looked back at her from above the sink. I grimace and flip the light back off, returning to bliss. I started to get dressed: t-shirt, jeans, and my favorite sweatshirt. As I pulled the sweatshirt, I noticed, in the dim light, a dark spot on the thigh of my jeans. I quickly unbuttoned my jeans and stuffed a reached into the medicine cabinet, and stuck a thin piece of gauze on my cut up thigh. The gauze was just enough to soak up the blood but not enough to give my thighs a weird shape through the jeans. I buttoned myself back up, got the hair dryer out from under the sink and grabbed a brush. It was an old hair dryer, so old I was worried the humidity from the shower might be enough to short circuit it. I plugged it in anyway, but felt a twinge of disappointment when there was not large spark, or fireball that would have engulfed me. I turned on the dryer and began to brush my hair.

When I had finished, I stuck my thumbs through the holes in the sleeves of the sweatshirt. I had to be sure the sleeves wouldn't get pushed back and reveal my meditation technique. I would do it on the upper arm, where I wouldn't have to worry as much but I just doesn't feel the same. When I slice open my upper arm, it just hurts.

I opened the door to the bathroom and started to head downstairs. My mom was still home, and no doubt would notice me before I got out the door. I placed on on my face the smile, the smile I had learned from my mother. The same smile my mom would use when ever we had guests. When my mom would fight with my dad, I can hear the screams and the crying from my room, but the next morning my mom would have the same smile I wore now.

"Good morning, sweetheart. Lydia's mom is waiting outside." My mother wore it well, "Do you want anything to eat?"

"No thanks, Mom." She was cooking, that means 'Uncle' Jack would be coming over. I didn't like 'Uncle' Jack, he wasn't even my uncle and my mom had made me promise not to tell dad the one time I met him. Since he's coming over, it means that my mom will be wearing the same smile when my dad gets home.

"Alright honey have a good day at school." I knew both of our smiles were fake, and I knew what lay behind both mine and hers. As I walked out the door I began to wonder if anyone knew what was behind mine. If anyone could see through the mask that I put on everyday at school, at home, and only ever take off in my sanctuary, my shower. I walk across the lawn towards Lydia and her mother, waiting to take us both to school.

I open the car door, wearing the same smile. I used to not have to wear it with Lydia, I think. As I got settled, Lydia too busy texting her new friends to even acknowledge me, I asked myself if I would ever want to take it off with someone. Then I realized that it didn't matter whether or not I wanted to. No one would care anyway.

Rambling

2009-03-01T23:39:00.000-08:00

How am I, or anyone else, supposed to stop those fucking sneak attack bad moods? When I can shake it, I have no idea how I did it, so when I can't I don't know what to do.
It's stupid.
Also, I find that I genuinely like people more when I find out they are/have been depressed. For real depressed, of course. I guess I don't think anyone can really be intelligent unless they have been through shit like me. God damn, I hate that it's true that we really can never understand things we haven't been through so we underestimate their impact on other people. That's why adults (some) are more mature (sometimes...) because they have usually (USUALLY) been through a lot more because the span of their life has been longer so far so they can relate to more things. However, this doesn't always happen because there is one particular woman I don't like (detest) who has been depressed and also had a rough childhood. She's socially inept, and a bitch. I guess she's around to remind me that not all exceptions are good ones. But there are always exceptions.

My Goal

2009-02-24T22:06:00.000-08:00

It all leads to one final goal. My plans are confusing, and seemingly unattainable. I want change, I want to make a real difference in the world. My plans are so that I can tackle if from as many aspects as I can.

I want teaching credtials, I want to be a sentor, I want to be a doctor, I want to be writer. I can see senator and teacher both going with writer...but the rest? I do not know if all of these even fit together. I can do it though, every says things that I can't do. Well I can do this. I just need to know what order to do it in.

Add On to Drug Post...Makes Little Sense

2009-02-24T19:39:00.000-08:00

I'm not entirely sure what Bryce wants me to contribute to this blog. I guess I'll add a bit to the "why people do drugs" post.
Another example of the kind of people who do drugs are the ones who find they have to rebel. My mom was a hard working, advanced student until her sophomore year. This was when her mom no longer had the money to support her horse back riding which was the only thing she was truly passionate about. The only reason she got good grades or tried at all. This is an example of a person who FOUND their passion, a hard ass fucking thing to do, and had it ripped away from them. This happens too often, and it doesn't mean the person fucked up, it's just that there is no hope left, or at least it doesn't seem like it.
However coming from a shitty place with a shitty childhood doesn't always correlate to drug use, I know many people who are freaking rich and get everything they want, they have good grades and they're just bored, like Bryce said, lack of fulfillment.
I do not respect anyone who brags about being "straightedge" (drug-free) when they have never tried a single drug. Most people who have never tried drugs do not understand at all and they can shut their fucking asses up.

Chris Albright (Part 1, Draft 2)

2009-02-23T23:12:00.000-08:00

Version:1.0 StartHTML:0000000168 EndHTML:0000006637 StartFragment:0000000664 EndFragment:0000006620

This is what it said:

“Alison, I am sorry. I really am, I wish I would be there to take you to prom. I bet you would have looked great in your dress. It's not your fault, and please tell my mom it's not her fault. It's no one's fault but my own. I was nothing, and now I exist as nothing. I'm sorry.”

That little prick, he posted that on his blog. It's titled, “My Last Post, I'm Sorry”. It's posted among a mess of shitty depressing poems and short stories, journal entries about how his life is so horrible and how everything is against him, and Modest Mouse lyrics explaining how he feels. What a tool. I can't believe people think I was his friend. Some advice, if you are going to kill yourself make it something fast. It doesn't matter if it makes a mess or something, just don't make it something that gives people hope.

I heard his mom found him in his room on the floor. She couldn't even tell if he was breathing.

“Tyler! Let's go I'm gonna be late to work!” Shit, we don't have to leave for another ten minutes. Playboy, the magazine boys and men have been blowing their load to for over fifty years. It's just poses though, nothing hardcore, or even really soft-core. Even Penthouse had a couple chicks going at it.

“Tyler! You've been in the bathroom for twenty minutes, are you feeling okay?” Dear God, she thinks I have the shits, I glance towards the door to make sure it's locked. My arm is tired.

“Yes Mom, I think it was the frozen pizza I had last night.” I work hard for the next thirty seconds until I finish. I grab some toilet paper to clean up my mess and flush the toilet. I wash my hands, toss the magazine under the sink, and start to walk out the door. I nearly collide with my mother.

“You sure you're feeling okay?” Did she know? Is she just screwing with me now?

“Yeah I'm sure, now let's go.” I don't even look her in the eye and head out the front the door.

Do something that kills you right away. I read through his blog and he wrote some short story where the kid didn't want to shoot himself because he didn't want his mom or his brother to find him with his brains decorating the walls. At least they would know he's dead.

I heard his mom found him. She couldn't tell if he was breathing. When the paramedics arrived they grabbed the pill bottle laying next to him and sent it along with him in the ambulance, giving him CPR the whole way to the hospital. I heard he was stiff in the gurney though. I try to imagine the pain of not knowing, thinking that there's hope to save your child. He turned out to be dead for about two hours, his body was already stiff as nails. His poor mother.

“Tyler, did you hear about Chris?” Bobby was learning from his desk, removing his pencil from his nose long enough to whisper to me.

“Yeah, I heard.” Of course I heard, he was supposed to be one of my best friends.

“Man it sucks right? I heard he had an entire bottle of sleeping pills.” Yeah, Chris had told his parents he had insomnia and, with his anxiety and depression, his psychiatrist agreed.

“I really don't feel like talking about it.” I tried to sound sad, broken, the way a mourning friend is supposed to feel. Honestly, that prick was famous now and I just wanted to wait for it to all blow over.

I looked around the room, Alison wasn't in class today. What a selfish prick, I can't believe he'd hurt Alison like that. Alison is the type of girl that no guy wants to just bang and forget. Beautiful, a few blemishes here and there, but it was how kind and sweet she was that made her popular, a rare occurrence. She had a presence that could brighten a room without her even saying a word. She made everyone she talked to happy, everyone but Chris.

I felt my leg vibrate, a text message. I reach into my pocket and read the text under my desk.

“FWD: Memorial service for chris albright next tues 4pm” Dammit, why was he getting a memorial service? For being a coward, for taking the easy way out? Now I have to give up my Tuesday afternoon.

I feel a presence, like someone is watching me. I look up to see Mrs. Leonhart standing there with her hand held out. “Phone.” I hate her voice.

“Please, it's just a text about a Memorial Service for Chris.” I try to look as pathetic as possible. Some people think anytime you look pathetic, you're weak. Looking pathetic is one of the best ways to manipulate anyone.

“You could have checked it after class.” Her hand still held out I placed my phone in her hand, anyone but a bitch of a math teacher.

Books, and What They've Meant to Me

2009-02-18T21:09:00.000-08:00

Books, to me, have meant an escape; not only an escape but a look into the depth of human emotion. I cannot stand to read books that do not provide a profound philosophical meaning or that do not fully grasp human emotion. Through books I have learned to develop my own ideas about the world, taking the examples written by authors like: Dan Brown (Not as good an author, but the first to get me into reading), Michael Crichton, Nick Hornby, and Chuck Palahniuk (ascending order, to list my favorites).

When I was younger I despised reading, the material given to me to read was…garbage to say the least. Too simplistic, too juvenile, the books I was supposed to read just did not have real issues to me. That is not entirely true, Bridge to Terabethia is a book I think I could have enjoyed had I given it a chance. I just felt too busy to sit down and read, and when I was younger, it was cool to not want to do school work.

I discovered reading was enjoyable after reading Dan Brown’s Deception Point, then Digital Fortress, then Angels and Demons (I read Da Vinci Code but I just did not like it that much…). When I was younger I was mature enough to have a small grasp on politics and political ideologies, but I was one of the most conservative people I knew. (I think being conservative is something some people manage to grow out of, something you begin to doubt when you become depressed, and some just never stop having that fear of the unknown.) Dan Brown’s books changed me, they taught me to look past the propaganda, and to think for myself. Dan Brown’s Digital Fortress, is the most influential books of my life. After reading Digital Fortress, I became aware of the importance of civil liberties and questioning authority. I realized the amount of power we, as citizens, give the government, and began to study civil liberties more in my free time. If I had not read that book, I do not know the kind of person I would be today. My writings, my ideas, my paradigm of the world, are based off the principles I learned from reading that book. It taught me the government does not know best.

Michael Crichton built upon the foundation Dan Brown had placed in my mind. Jurassic Park provided me with insight to question even the best intentions. Do good intentions mean a good idea? Some of best intentions have been the worst ideas. He added to my mind the importance of human nature, and emotions. Crichton helped establish my questioning personality, and added the importance of understanding the people behind the ideas.

Nick Hornby taught me to understand human emotions. By the time I started to read his books, starting with High Fidelity, I had already been playing therapist for my friends for awhile. It was High Fidelity that helped me understand myself, and my actions better. Hornby’s books taught me about human emotions, reinforced some of my previous ideas, and helped me create new ones. He presented ideas and philosophies that made perfect sense, yet I had never thought of before. He helped me understand the motives that drive people, and the importance of considering them. My favorite thing about his books is he makes you like a character that you would otherwise dislike.

Chuck Palahniuk takes me to the next level, going to the extremes of human emotion. Addiction is arguably his most used theme. Even if it is not substance abuse, it comes up in Fight Club , Choke (obvious main theme), and Survivor. Palahniuk makes you love a character you would otherwise hate. He takes characters that exist outside of normal society, he gives reasons, and he applies his reasons to everyone. His books take something as trivial as boys raised without a strong father figure and makes them into a full blown terrorist movement, med-school dropout that is addicted to sex and makes him a hero for making others feel like heroes, and a virgin who’s claim to fame is simply not killing himself. His books make me look at human emotion, and motives in new ways. Without Brown, Crichton, and Hornby I do not think I would have enjoyed Palahniuk’s books. I was given a chance to read Fight Club my Freshman year in high school, and I feel like a regret not reading it earlier, but I also feel like I just would not have appreciated it. It would not have meant the same.

Why People do Drugs

2009-02-14T02:34:00.000-08:00

Let me start off by saying, do not expect this to be just a one post statement. If you know me personally then this is going to come up a lot with me. If you are just a reader of this blog (kudos to you) then you will most likely read something along the lines of this many times.

Why. Everybody ask why. I am first going to say that this word is the most important word you will ever learn. Out of all of the other words in the English language this single word is the most important you need to know. (Of course you will need to learn words required for the explanation, but that's apart of the learning process, I'll write about that later.) Porque in French. This word will open up everything to you in this world. By knowing the why, you can figure out the how, and by figuring out the how you have become more powerful, more useful to society.

The following is the best I can remember of a speech one of my favorite history teachers, Mr. Davis, gave during Red Ribbon Week. (Ironically just a few days before I was caught dealing)

Drugs are fun. If drugs weren't fun people wouldn't do them. If everytime you shot up heroin your veins burned, well you wouldn't want to shoot up heroin. If every time you snorted cocaine your hair caught fire, well then you wouldn't snort cocaine. The fact is drugs are fun, and that is something that we, as adults, cannot lie to [students] about. Everyone says that drugs are horrible, drugs are bad, and drugs do horrible things. The fact is that we are lying to you, drugs make you feel wonderful, it's the consequences that are bad. Marijuana is a gateway drug because we make it a gateway drug. We tell [students] that marijuana is just as bad as cocaine, meth, ecstasy, and heroin, and if you use it you're life will be ruined forever and you will die-blah blah blah. The problem is when people do decide to smoke it and well nothing bad happens, well we have just lost our creditability, and now anything we say will not matter. The fact is drugs are fun....

He goes on to tell personal stories that I do not feel comfortable placing on the Internet. The point is that people do drugs because it makes them feel good. Well big DUH, right? Well people do not seem to realize that. I still have people ask me, "Why do people do drugs? It just seems so stupid."

Look it is not that people do drugs because it makes them feel good, people will do anything that will make them feel good. The issue is that people that do drugs are the people that do not find joy in anything else.

Everyone wants something that brings them joy and happiness. All those people that ask me, "Why do people do drugs?" Every single one of those people has something that defines them. They have something that gives them an identity and brings them joy. Most of them are students that define themselves with good grades, and the pride that comes with getting a good grade (although grades are meaningless, no offense to the straightedges out there) is enough for them. These people do not feel the need to find any more joy in anything.

The people that do drugs, they do not have that joy. Whether it be because they see grades as meaningless or because they do not have the confidence to do any of the other things peoples have out there. The fact is everyone is addicted to something, food, sex, good grades, music, art, literature, marijuana, crack, something. It is just how society views the things that people are addicted to that makes some bad and others good. (I do not think crack is bad just cause society says it is, I do think crack and other physically addicting substances are bad, most of the time.)

The fact is that most heavy users of marijuana have a higher level intelligence than people who do not smoke weed.[1] (By the way. Haha straightedges, sorry) The fact is that people that do drugs do them because it feels good. The fact is that everyone needs something that makes them feel good.

The average scenerio, from how I see it, is this:

Child is taught from a young age to get good grades and do well in life
Child finds out grades do not measure someone's intelligence of how well they do in life OR Child is not good at getting good grades because school is not right for them
Child cannot find other outlet because he is not good at most things, or at least he convinces himself he is not, and so he cannot find anything that makes him feel good
Child turns to drugs because he does not need the validation of others for it to make him feel good, he just feels good, and because it is something most people keep to themselves they can never be told someone is 'better at drugs' than they are, thus boosting confidence levels
Sometimes Child will eventually find something that does make them happy and will use drugs occasionally just for fun, or not at all. Sometimes Child will grow into an adult never finding the things that defines him, that gives him a sense of purpose and live on using drugs to feel good about himself, to feel special.

I do not know if that is as comprehensive as I wanted it to be, or as it should be, but I am tired and it is late. So I am going to leave it at this and if anyone reads this, and hopefully understand is, it will be helpful to them.

[1]The Report of the National Commission on Marihuana and Drug Abuse,"Marihuana: A Signal of Misunderstanding", Commissioned by President Richard M. Nixon, March, 1972, Part II, Profiles of Users, Moderate and Heavy Users

The State is Not God

2009-02-13T14:26:00.000-08:00

Here's just one my more favorite vidoes. On a side note, the Bush administration did put aside the largest marine wildlife habitat in the world.

The Pot Leaf

2009-02-12T01:29:00.001-08:00

The Leaf
Current mood: hungry

The pot leaf. Do not think of it as repersenting a stoner, so stupid his life revolves around an artifical feeling (although a great feeling from a plant, that was a gift from God). Not a wannabe gansta that yells, "Yo I love grapes, get me some purple weed! Yeah!" Out a bus window. Do not let images of a shady, back-alley dealer, that adds class to his bud to increase the weight. Imagine the muscian, the artist, the writer, and the philosopher. Think of doctors, lawyers, scientist, teachers, and professors, when ever you think of the leaf.

"Heavy users seem to need the drug experience more often. Their initial and continued marihuana use is motivated not only by curiosity and an urge to share a social experience but also by a desire for "kicks," "expansion of awareness and understanding," and relief of anxiety or boredom.

"Generally, the heavy marihuana user's life style, activities, values and attitudes are unconventional and at variance with those of the, larger society. These individuals are more pessimistic, insecure, irresponsible, and nonconforming. They find routine especially distasteful. Their behavior and mood are restless and uneven.

"Heavy users place particularly strong emphasis on impulsive response in the interest of pleasure-seeking, immediate gratification, and individual expression. They tend to evidence social and emotional immaturity, are especially indifferent to rules and conventions, and are often resistant to authority. However, several surveys have also revealed that they tend to be curious, socially perceptive, skillful and sensitive to the needs of others, and possess broadly based, although unconventional, interests. "[1]

The pot leaf symbolizes the extroverted introvert, the person who could not find his place in society, isntaed walking into the open arms of subculture, a society, not beneth, but outside of society. It repersents freedom from the capitalistic-dogma, we are forced to accept. The pot leaf is not a symbol of a drug user, but someone who does not give into peer pressure, someone whois themselves, for themselves.

"Generally, most studies which have been undertaken indicate that individuals who are heavy marihuana users cannot find a place for themselves in conventional society. Their heavy marihuana use may reflect and perhaps perpetuate their unconventionality while providing social acceptance in one of the non-conventional subcultures."[1]

Users and non-users alike can line up behind the leaf. A new symbol of peace, lessing the aggressive behaviors.[1][2] A symbol of rational thought, although ridicuous at times, valid all the same, a symbol of creativity, use increasing alpha brainwave activity(associated with mediation, relaxation and creativity).[3] Come, march behind the flag of freedom, not the bars of the Stars and Stripes, but the leaf of equality, love, thought, and art.
The Leaf does not repersent truth, this is a step too far. The Leaf repersents the triumph over lies rather, because there are still idiots who will state lies with no evidence, in support of the Leaf. Do not listen to these fools, for to accept their statements would force us to accept the statements of the DEA, NIDA, and the rest of 'them'. Do not stoop to the level of the government stooges, deny Reefer Madness, see through their lives and triumph with the Leaf.
Live Free, have fun, and love yourself and others. Philosophers were have smoked marijuana for years, inspiration, opening their minds. This country was not founded upon Puritan ideals, like 'they' want you to think. It was founded by marijuana (although not named that yet) smoking Virginians who were too intelligent to smoke tobacco.

"Some of my finest hours have been spent sitting on my back veranda, smoking hemp and observing as far as my eye can see."
-Thomas Jefferson

[1]The Report of the National Commission on Marihuana and Drug Abuse,"Marihuana: A Signal of Misunderstanding", Commissioned by President Richard M. Nixon, March, 1972, Part II, Profiles of Users, Moderate and Heavy Users

[2]Halpern. "Emotional Reactions and General Personality Structure," The Marihuana Problem, pp. 130 - 131.

[3] R. L. Dornbush, M.D., M. Fink, M.D., and A. M. Freedman, M.D. "Marijuana, Memory, and Perception," presented at the 124th annual meeting of the American Psychiatric Association, May 3-7, 1971.

The Lies They Tell You

2009-02-12T01:19:00.000-08:00

Be Unique, Just like Everybody else

* "We'll love you no matter what"

* "You can come to us for anything"

* "Do whatever makes you happy"

* "Don't give into peer pressure, be yourself"

* "They only one keeping you from your goals is yourself."

"See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other. Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction." George W. Bush Jr.Midwest Airlines Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, October 3, 2003 [32]

* "The government has our best interest at heart"

* "We needed to invade Iraq"

* "Marijuana ruins your life"

* "There's something we do not know, I mean alcohol can't be as bad as weed, otherwise why would it be legal?"

* "Drugs put holes in your brain"

* "Immigrants steal American Jobs"

* "...Liberty and Justice for all"

* "The government knows what it's doing"

* "The US government was founded on Christian beliefs"

Study hard [in school] and You'll go far

* "Grades are important"

* "You need to do well in school to get a good job"

* "Homework helps you learn"

* "Your teachers know best"